school shooters are just regular kids pushed to the limit. take any animal and threateningly back it into a corner and it will attack. we all have that potential. given the same set of circumstances we all act pretty much the same. give an immature, frightened, and hateful person a gun and you can bet that the trigger will get pulled eventually.

as humans, we are born to kill but this doesn't mean we have to. unfortunately for those that want to live "killing-free", our society still fosters a high tension atmosphere that breeds killers. you can't look at the killers and think "look at those bad people, i'd never do anything like that. they are abnormal because they kill. what went wrong with them?". it was your society that failed. you are the problem, not the killer. what did you, the educated member of this society, do to foster a non-killing atmosphere in your society. also, you may have done the same thing given the exact same circumstances. humans are born to be human, which means they will kill like any animal when pushed to it. it is up to society to train humans to behave how they want them to behave. if you want humans not to kill then you have to train them and it is societies fault when people go untrained. society is creating volatile situations by not adequately training people as well as fostering a hostile atmosphere that makes even semi-trained people revert back to their animal instincts.

i don't play many "video games". i don't own any of those fancy new console game stations. any games i do play are for the computer. the ones i gravitate towards are helicopter simulations (ones with missiles and radars and such) and strategy ones where you end up ruling the world by the end. in the strategy ones, i like the feeling of power i get when i rise up from being picked on by the other nations in the beginning. by the end, i have developed large and technologically advanced armies and i severely crush my enemies into non-existence by utilizing the might of those armies. i leave a wake of utter devastation and destruction to teach those pitiful nations what it means to toy with me. my blood lust is satiated only when i am advised that the nation has been wiped out. but this lasts only for a moment as my next thoughts are to conquer all who remain. even those that did me no wrong are no longer safe. i developed the taste for blood and i must have more until i am the supreme ruler of them all. and so on with my campaign until i am the ultimate ruler of the world.

do you see what is going on there? do you see how easy it is for humans to have the feelings of an evil tyrant hell bent on world domination? i know some of you never experienced these feelings but for males i can almost guarantee that they are in you. they may lie dormant for now but they would surface if given the opportunity. yes they can be suppressed but they still exist inside of you. but that is only a game you say? you play it and see if you don't feel the emotion build up inside of you. that emotion is a sign that your blood lust is real. all ancient literature talks about entire cites being massacred as a matter of course. the bible talks about it, ancient greek literature talks about it, etc. it was common to destroy entire bloodlines and cities and peoples so that their existence would be wiped from the face of the planet. people like to dole out punishment.

so you want to know about being a human being? do you want me to sum it up in one word? the word is... "evolution". it is why we are here and it is why we think and act the way we do. "evolution" is your starting point for learning about yourself and your species and every other species for that matter.

yes i know people don't like "advice" or to be told how to live their lives. i'd gladly do it more often if they did enjoy a bit of advice now and again. i mean, yes you can advise people but you can't be blunt about it. usually the best way is to make it about you and not them. tell them about a similar problem that you had and how you resolved it. they don't appreciate "you did this wrong and you did that wrong so now do it like how i'm telling you to do it". they more so appreciate "yeah i knew this person and we had a conflict and this is how we resolved it". not only are you advising them but you are also sharing a bond of similar experience as well as showing them that they are not alone in having that experience.

okay i feel a little obliged to mention that there are handful of canadians reading this. now don't get me wrong, i have a father that was born and raised in canada so i'm down with that.

what is funny to me though is that most if not all of them are from prince edward island. "pei" as it is commonly referred to. it is funny to me because my friend's favorite books of all time are the anne of green gables series by L.M. Montgomery who of course wrote about the fictional tales of anne's and other's lives in pei. and to add to that, she recently had a professor that was from pei who told the class a true story about a dog that waited at a railroad station for someone at war to come home and then ran away when that person died in the war. or something like that. and the story was even mentioned in one of the L.M. Montgomery books. my friend immediately recognized the story from one of the books when the professor told it.

so there you go. that is my little link to pei.

umm here is one from the ancient files of MyHardDrivia... because i need to go to bed now. oh umm wait, no it's because it is a special piece just for you... yeah that's it...

written way back on 8/2/96... just a slice of life... and remember this was written almost 6 years ago...

All right...you know what it's all about? Why people should think twice about "fooling around" with other people that they don't intend on spending most of their lives with? Its all about being faithful and loyal to your eventual love mate (husband, wife, etc.) Faithful to someone you don't even know exists you say? Well I think most people have the idea that they will eventually get into a permanent relationship with another person. So in a sense, it's a given that you'll eventually end up in a long term relationship. This then, means that since you will eventually end up with that person who is to become your love mate, that you are basically linked with them early on even before you meet because the union will eventually happen. There is another part to it too. It deals with the golden rule of "nothing is for free". So what if you do decide to continually "fool around" with other people? First off, the obvious, is diseases which are things that never leave your system but are in kept in there pretty much for life. These are mono, genital herpes, aids, etc. Not only will the symptoms get you but the mental strain you get from the thought of having them and what you did to yourself. And even if you scrape by and don't get a disease there is another aspect. And that deals with keeping things fresh and special for the one person you do eventually end up with. Will it hamper the bond that is to made? Don't unique experiences with someone bring about a special bond? Even making out with someone has its toll. I have heard interviews with hookers and porn stars who don't kiss during their work because they consider kissing too personal and only do it with people they are in relationships with. I even read in a book how kissing was more of an intimate thing than intercourse because kissing was a mental thing with no direct sexual release like intercourse which is more of an animal thing. That kissing is very personal and intimate shows that it should not be done frivolously just as sex should not be done frivolously. Nothing is without its price.

sad people should not be friends with one another. you will wallow in each other's sadness. if you were a real friend you would make the extra effort to lift your friend out from their pit of despair. take all that energy you're putting into being sad with them and use it to help. and the other person should be a real friend and accept the hand up. help one another and stop being so self involved.

the easiest way to help is to be an example... don't be sad. and when talking to them you don't have to go over every pitiful detail of why they are sad. talking about it will make them and you sadder. get the main idea if you want and then release it. forget about it. it's gone. and don't stuff it under a rug... accept that it happened and forget about it.

sadness is like a drug. you'll get addicted to the strong pain and emotion it brings. it's almost exciting. it surges through you and you can feel it. use your friends as a distraction from it, not as a way to stimulate it. don't be so self-centered and manipulative. think about how your sadness will make them sad. don't use them to get sympathy and attention either. oh i know your tricks. you hurt those around you to get what you want.

i will say it again... sadness is for the self-centered and the self-important. try caring about someone else for a change and you'll see that you like that feeling even better.

i was just told a story about a man and a woman. they are a "couple". and what is so amusing is a truth about men and women and their interactions. it seems to be that men do things for women and say things to them which are totally misinterpreted by the women as sweet and nice. the men are purely manipulative and have ulterior motives but the women see these things as sweet and wonderful. it is funny to think about how men and women are on two completely different tracks but sometimes, due to luck, the tracks cross. if not for misinterpretations, we would never be together. but you can imagine what would happen if women saw through all this... there would be no more mating. so you see, the women who could see through all this died off with no offspring to carry on their genes.

me me me it's all about meeee. don't you get it? even though it's not directly about me, it really is still about me. meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. memememememememe me. did someone say "center of the universe"? over here!! it is meeeee. what does the world revolve around? memememememe meeeeeeeeee!! oh well, i am off to have another thought about how self important i am. don't you just love when it's about me? i know i love it. meee glorious meeeee. how come more people aren't writing about me? this is a sad fact that people must rectify. if only they knew more about me they would surely include me in most every thought they had. i really do feel a bit of pity for them... weep. sniffle. if only they knew me....

don't deal with anger by trying to "let it all out" and expressing it. it will just stay longer and create more. release the anger by letting go of it. take a step back and realize its futility and the harm that it is causing you. it feels bad and it is bad. release it and let it go. deeeeep breathe. and agaaaiiin.

you'll get angry at times but don't stay angry. you'll get over it eventually right? well just decide to save yourself the pain and get over it immediately.

come in. take a seat. i have something to say to you. no no sit down this won't take long. now i know you think i've been a bit hard on you lately. well okay a "lot" hard on you. but you have to realize that it is because i care about you. you are special and you mean a lot to me. look i know we have had our rough times together but i have realized something. i realized that you and me... we're inseparable. we belong together. it just wouldn't work for each of us to go our own separate ways. and those rough spots even show that things get better eventually. they are jagged with not only their low valleys but also with their high peaks. we just need to smooth it out a little so that our lows aren't so low. our highs won't be as high but that will be less of a peak to fall from. so look, we can do this... you and me. come on, we can at least give it a try. you think about it and i think you'll see where i'm coming from. okay you can leave now but remember that i care about you and i want you to think about this. lets do this. lets be for each other what we couldn't be before. and lets be friends.

do not try to live everything for yourself. that is what history is for. use it. you will not get anywhere by starting from scratch. learn from other's mistakes and build on top of that foundation.

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this one's for the little people.

justice. you mutha f'ers wouldn't know it if it was the central theme of a mel gibson movie. sure it's some made-up fairy tale but stranger things have been dreamed-up by the mind of man and come to life. your blood soaked flesh searing at the touch of the flaming sword that unstrings you, the scales of justice crashing upon your deceitful skull filled with the rotting mass of putrefying gray matter, your dark heart torn out of your chest with a single grab... what is so fanciful about that? to dream it, is to plant the seed and you water that seed with every transgression you enact against the innocent. and sprout it will, until you are engulfed by the roots and your acts of injustice are suffocated with your last breath.
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ahem. now that i have that out. you should realize that as humans we love to punish. it is innate in us and we love to dole it out. we like to hurt the bad for doing wrong to the good. the dilemma in that though, is who is to say who is "good" and who is "bad" and what "wrong" even is. and god forbid we wrongly punish the innocent. should we then not be struck down by the hand of justice ourselves?

does a trial, run by those with their own agendas, justify the conviction of the innocent? who is to make sure the trial is fair? an appeals court? should the trial be on trial? and should that trial be on trial? by the time the trials end, the innocent one died in a lonely prison cell of old age. the legal system is a mockery of what we are taught justice is. yeah and let's throw people in a locked pit and have them fight it out for years and then let them loose on the crowd. yeah prison works. isn't that a sign that we are just too big, that all our public policies are thoroughly inept and unmanageable? when you have something so unwieldy what do you do to tackle it? you break it down into bite-sized chunks and handle those.

i'm ashamed of you humans right now. i think you should go sit over there and think about what you've done. do you hear me? NOW mister.

i have seen members of the opposite sex and at first sight i have thought "i know this person can understand me and we would fit so perfectly together and the beauty of this person is overwhelming. if only i could talk to this person we would unite in a bond of love. and it is a real love that will last forever."

then i slap myself back to reality and say "you moron, that is a 100,000 years of human evolution driving you to be attracted to this person on top of millions of years of pre-human evolution before that. you have no idea what you have in common with this person beyond the whole air-breathing, food eating, bi-pedal-upright-walking thing. as far as you know, this person may eat kittens for breakfast and kill ducklings for sport but you think just because this person's appearance sets off a primordial spark within yourself that you are magically joined? you stupid f' get a grip on yourself. you were born an animal but that doesn't mean you have to act the part. damn your instincts for beauty because they will always set your heart aflame when it crosses your path. it is up to you to restrain this instinct because it will mislead you always." and then i go back to being me again.

you should realize no matter what relationship you are in or aren't in, you will get these feelings of attraction and desire. realize that they are part of being a human. you shouldn't really feel disgusted with yourself for having them because they are as natural as breathing. you can only restrain them once they arrive. when you can feel disgusted with yourself is when you believe these feelings and fall for their lies.

we are conceited because those ancestors that were conceited looked better by tending to their appearance all the time and hence mated more.

by using google.co.uk someone arrived at this site by using the search words:
'shaving trimming patterns "pubic hair"'

it is the number one entry of thirty-eight.
Here it is.

sometimes i think i'm done. i think "what else is left? nothing." i never grew up having a lot of goals. i've done what i wanted to do and now i'm just coasting through without any goal to head towards. i wonder if male humans really do need to battle and kill and rule mighty kingdoms to feel fulfilled. do male humans require excitement in their lives? is that an adaptation of being human? nah. it is just hard to do anything without set goals.

try walking to no place in particular and you will get bored. then try walking in order to reach the apex of a hill. you will feel motivated to reach that apex but you will feel no motivation to walk to nowhere in particular. it is so much easier to do things when you have a goal to meet. if you say "i'll finish this paper by the time class starts tomorrow" you will rush and try your darndest. try and write that paper long before it's due without setting a goal and you'll take a lot longer to write it. you need goals or else things just get put off.

so what goals should you be setting for yourself in your own life? it is hard for some of us to have the self discipline to follow the goals we set for ourselves. many of us will get frustrated and say "forget it, it didn't matter anyway." or "well i can always do it later". we really should be taught as children about setting and sticking to goals. but what goals should we be setting anyway? well that is something for us all to think about tonight.

i was looking at a poll on a web site that is read mainly by "geeks". the poll was "I wish I was better at..." and the top response was "romance" said by over 7000 people. at a close second was computer "programming".

The sun is setting and leaves are falling to the ground. Rose is outside sitting indian-style on fallen leaves. A shout comes from inside the house from her husband. "Rose!" he shouts, "I can't find some important files-- our statements of net worth!" She turns around to look his way and shouts back "Look in the shoe box wrapped in gold ribbon under the bed!" Looking through the contents of the shoe box he retrieved from under the bed, Rose's husband says to himself, "These aren't statements of net worth, these are our old..." And in quiet realization he finishes his statement with "...love letters." Sitting outside with his arms wrapped around her, Rose asks, "Find what you needed?" "Your directions were perfect!" he replied as he was embracing her.

--my summation of the comic strip Rose is Rose of 9/22/96.

in honor of my system coming back online, i will post something from the ancient archives that were stored on the hard drive that survived. here is a short inspirational piece written way back on August 2, 1996.

Man, as far as his physical strength and the value of that strength goes, is quite pitiful. Can man's strength enable him to travel the great speeds of the cheetah? Does man's physical strength give him the quickness of the rattle snake? Can man hunt with just his speed and his teeth as does the mighty tiger? Unlike most animals, can man dig a burrow or hole without the use of tools? Unlike the great grizzely bear, can man smash apart its cub into remnants of limbs with a single blow? Can he fish the water such as the polar or brown bear does without the use of tools? Can he topple trees with a single push like that of the elephant? Can man carry many times his own weight as the ant does? Man, unlike the rest, must use tools in order to accomplish what these animals can do naturally. It is pitiful and very disturbing to see, on an actual videotape, a man being trampled by an out of control elephant. The man's body is kicked around like it was a mere rag doll. It gave no resistance to the strength of the elephant. It just flopped around as if it were weightless. It just shows how weak man really is. So if man is so physically pitiful, how did he become the master of all these physically superior animals? Man can think. So were is true power? Power lies in one's ability to think. With his powerful mind, man can move his body many times faster than the cheetah with the aid of his inventions. With his manufactured weapons, man can hunt all animals. With his machines, man can dig the deepest and biggest holes and clear entire forrests and build the biggest homes. The bird, with its physical body sores high into the sky. Man, through using his mind, flies through SPACE! The mind of man is his might.