the interlude...

hmm so what to write.... well since you always have to consider the source of the information you get, i will inform you a bit about myself.

i have a skill of putting people down and insulting them. unfortunately this does not work well with being a kind and enlightened being so i have to actively suppress this ability. i used to feel a little bad about not being able to showcase this ability in the past but i have gotten over that. i had to get over the vanity of showcasing a talent. i will still do it on occasion but it is rarer and rarer.

and as far as being enlightened and what not, i won't feel totally enlightened until i conquer sadness. do i feel a little enlightened? yes but not completely there. why is sadness so hard to conquer? because it shuts you down. anger revs you up and is easy to recognize. and since you are revved up in order to carry out your angry deeds you can redirect that energy into suppressing the anger. sadness on the other hand takes away your energy so you have nothing to fight it with. i'll probably talk more about this later though.

i always rejected being a "nerd" and did not befriend those that were. even though no one else thought i was a "cool" kid, i thought i was. i guess i am somewhere in between. i did not enjoy doing school work like the "nerds" did but i performed a lot better academically than the "cool" kids. i didn't like either group and thus had a lack of friends. the nerds and cool kids had more similarities to each other than i had to either of them. the nerds acted just like the cool kids with their social groups and parties and chatter. the only difference was the nerds were uglier and were in advanced classes.

i know it must not come across, but you have to realize that i am a semi-funny person. you won't see it all the time, but i am amusing myself with a lot of the things i write. i don't take things too seriously and so you shouldn't read it as such. i grew up watching lots of sitcoms, cartoons, comedy shows, funny movies, etc. just so you know. and i do make people laugh on a regular basis.

i am sort of amused by people upset by not having grown up with their dad around. i grew up with my father around and i hated it. father's are one of the worst inventions ever made. it is worse in modern times because families are isolated. this gives fathers despotic rule over their family. sure, some of you grew up with great fathers but i can guarantee that you are a minority. what i hated the most about my particular father was that he treated everyone else's children so nicely and then treated me like crap. shouldn't you be nicest to your own family? what was up with that? i know that may not be a common thing but it was the case in my family. oh and i hate when people grow up with terrible fathers and then forgive them like nothing happened. my sister did this and i find it irritating. he treated her horribly but now it's like nothing ever happened. i think forgiveness is fine but not without reparations. he has done nothing to earn the forgiveness. my mother grew up without a dad and i tell her that she is lucky and should be thankful because her life would have only been worse. absolute power corrupts absolutely... and that's what fathers are given is absolute power over their family.

you people should realize that you are living above averagely. most people in the united states and the world are living in far lower conditions than you. they aren't sitting all cozy in front of a computer screen.

i'm a human just like you. i have probably been more isolated than you and so i had more time to think and go a new path. in evolution, a new species begins to develop when part of an old species becomes isolated and starts to evolve down its own path.

carbon monoxide poisoning is the best way to leave the realm of the conscious. a canister of pure stuff i mean. you do turn a bit of pink from it just so you know.

i did participate in a youth hockey league as a child for a few years. and in the first couple years of high school i played lacrosse. i don't watch sporting events on tv. they are so boring that i would rather sit and stare at a wall. i don't have respect for people who do watch them because i think they are just trying to fit in and be like everyone else. i know they are not really entertaining because that is why people need to drink heavily when attending a live event. and gambling is the other thing people do to keep it entertaining. the only sporting event i may watch is one where the opposite sex is nicely displayed in form fitting attire.

i like cats. this is most likely because i grew up with them.

both my parents have smoked cigarettes my entire life. i have an older brother that likes to ride around on his harley davidson motorcycle. he has tatoos and attends rallies too. i have two older sisters that try to fit into society. they wear a lot of make-up and try and dress stylish and live the usual american lifestyle. the oldest though, does not want to have children. she is married and the other is engaged. i don't really talk to any of them and never really have. the two older ones were 12(brother) and 13(sister) when i was born and the other one was 4(other sister). i am obviously the youngest. my father is from canada and did not graduate high school. he moved down to the states, worked a while, then started his own business. my mother grew up in the town i grew up in. she graduated high school and then went to business school. it was more like secretary school though and was only a year long. my oldest sister graduated high school, took some college, then went to work in the corporate world as something or other. my brother graduated high school and then went to work for my father. only recently did he stop working for my father. my other sister went to college and i went to college. the two older siblings are from my father's first marriage but she died. that is why they are so much older than my sister and i.

i have cousins that murdered, committed suicide, died accidental deaths, are drug addicts, and are alcoholics. i knew most of them but not too well. a couple of them lived with us for a while but it never affected me. nah, sharing a bedroom with a guy who killed his father with an axe as he slept wouldn't affect you would it? his father was abusive by the way and he only served time in a mental hospital. he ended up killing himself though after his sister killed herself.

yeah so that's my family.

there is more detail but i'll leave you with the basics for now. i once told the more detailed story to someone and they would not believe that so many bad things would happen to one family. my response to that is that you people live above averagely and don't know what is going on in the lesser parts of your country and the world. my father may have gotten us up to an upper middle class lifestyle but we came from the common folk. my brother, who lives the working class lifestyle, has a lot more problems than the rest of us and his kids are really starting to show it.

well goodnight sweet people of internet land. i am off to bed now. let me leave you with some uplifting thoughts though. umm... uhh... hmm....

seriously folks, remember that you can either live your life in a pit of despair or in a field of sunshine... why choose the pit when the sunny field is just as attainable? all you need is the right perspective and a bit of understanding.