i really don't have any little interesting stories to tell such as when i was growing up or what a wild time i had somewhere. some people are loaded with them. i suppose my thoughts on humans are the closest thing i have to little stories so that is why my web log contains them instead of cute little stories of some aunt betty or a best friend joe who ate a kitten on a dare.

i grew up alone in a room with a tv. yes, one third of the day was spent in school with other people with whom i interacted with. not to a great degree though. i knew some people and they knew me. never had a best friend. the rest of the day, most every weekend, and most every summer i was alone in a room with a tv. i liked super heros and super hero values. i liked to follow rules and be good. i did have a tiny bout of rebellion in my junior high school years but nothing major. i've never been to a "party". i have never smoked cigarettes or drank alcohol and never even saw drugs let alone take them. i don't even take aspirin.

i liked the movie Unbreakable with Bruce Willis but in the end when it is revealed that Mr. Glass is the villain it sort of struck a cord with me. maybe i'm not the super hero intended to save humanity. maybe i am the villain sent to destroy it. it more so fits my profile. but lucky for humanity i don't believe in pre-destination of that sort. and i would rather sit peacefully in front of a computer or under a tree than commit acts of utter devastation upon the human race. well at least for now. and just a note... you have to remember your history and that acts of utter devastation upon people have been committed all throughout history and even into today and will be in the future. it is more normal to hate than to not hate and i would rather be the exception.

i was closer to my ideal image of what i should be before i started playing that whole love game. i thought it could change what was wrong and that it'd be the answer to my prayers. it's not and it'll only make you worse off. it is not a game of logic but one of primal urges. i played it to help fix a sadness i had but it is not a game to play when you are not at a peak mental state. it can't fix anything, it can only make things worse. if you were sad and insecure before imagine how sad and insecure you are after your plans of love go awry. and they will because you were too immature to know how to handle it or else the person you loved was too immature or more likely both. it is a bitter sadness to forget too. it is not worth playing incorrectly or while unprepared.

'k that's a'l f'r now