well i had something else written but i think i will post one from the archives tonight. there are not many but i will sprinkle them in here and there. this one was written six years ago. six years is a long time so remember that when reading. maybe things have changed. but sit back and relax and enjoy tonights feature presentation... brought to you in full shift-key certified TechniDolby...

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[September 27, 1996...]

What's it like to always be alone? What's it like to be in a room full of people and feel more alone than if you were by yourself? I suppose one would not be happy being alone all the time. It is weird to hear and see how other people all talk to each other. It's weird to see how everybody seems to have a group of friends they see on a regular basis. Then again there aren't any people that I envy even a little. Do I want to be alone? I don't think I do but it's just that I've never met anybody worth being friends with. People just end up sucking. People suck... I guess that says it all. Yeah I see all the people with their dopey friends. So why do people suck so much? Maybe it is because they are so ignorant about so much. Am I that different than everyone else? I thought people were all pretty much alike. How could it be that I am so different? Am I smarter? Do I just know a lot of different stuff that they don't? Sometimes it is hard to see any difference. I guess I must be though if I am the way I am and I haven't come acros any people like me. Although just because you don't see something, does not mean it dosen't exsist. I just wish I could find a nice, sweet, intelligent, innocent, loyal, charming, fit, blue-eyed girl. Ya know? Is that so much to ask? Why not go wrap her up for me and have her delivered Monday afternoon. 'K? Ya know what I wish? Forget it. All I want is to spend my life caring for someone that I think is special. That is what I wish. Someday maybe? Maybe soon? I hope. Someday my prince will come. Hahahaha. I dislike the idea of having to rely on other people in order to attain happiness. People are so unreliable. I need to find happiness within myself not from other people in order to attain true happiness and contentment. And when I am happy and content, then that is when others will want to follow. So it is written. Remember the "way" oh great and wise one. The way to enlightenment should be your goal my son. But Lord how can I attain such a feet with such distractions? If I truly were alone it would be an easier path. My son, the path to enlightenment has many obstacles and each one must be overcome. The deep snow slows you movement yet you still reach your goal. You knew it was not the time my son. Everything you experience teaches you more and more. It brought you great joy in the beginning which then turned to sorrow. Cherish it for all the knowledge you have gained from it. My lord the pain is great and it plays with my mind. Be strong my son and stay the course. My lord I had forgotten you I had forgot the way. It challenges everything I know and feel. How can I deal with such a force. You have yet to learn moderation my son. Yes my lord. I love you my lord. And I you my son. Your wisdom guides me like a beacon in the fog. Your radiance gives me hope that I will reach my destination safe and secure. Oh lord, remember your son in times of need. I am but your humble stundent. Teach me all that you know. Ignorance is the true evil of man. Teach me so that I will know good.